Idiosyncratic
by tielan
Summary: And Major, when I said, 'There's something you should probably see,' I really meant that there’s something you should probably see. Not, 'Oh, look at the time, if we don't get home, we'll miss 'Days of our Lives.'


**NOTES**: liviapenn on LJ first suggested the idea of Atlantis fusionfic - where characters from other universes come and play in the Stargate Atlantis universes as outgoing teams. One of the early suggestions for a fusion was 'Pirates of the Carribean' and the muse took up the gage. I also have a BSG!pilots one floating around my head. 

You poor suckers!

**Idiosyncratic**

Major Norrington's team came back through the gate in a bad temper.

Elizabeth was almost getting used to it by now.

First came the Major in a stride that was more like a stalk. Close behind him walked Lieutenant Swann, fingering her P-90 as though she'd like to use it on one of her team-mates. Presumably not Dr. Turner, who touched her elbow and said something too quiet to be heard from the gallery. Judging by the look on the Lieutenant's face, it was an attempt to mollify her that did nothing for the Major. The glare the man pinned on him was ferocious, and, after a moment, Turner stepped back.

"I count three," murmured Teyla, who'd come up to Elizabeth's office to deliver the latest report from the mainland. "Where is the Sergeant?"

Elizabeth was asking that very question as she descended the stairs to the gateroom floor.

There was a moment's pause, during which each of Major Norrington's team turned to look at the still-open Stargate, waiting for their final team-mate to step through. The Major had just let out a huff of exasperation when Sparrow ambled into Atlantis as though he'd just returned from a casual stroll out to one of the terraces instead of having just come through a wormhole.

He looked at his team mates, tilted his head, held out his hands and asked, "Miss me?"

Lieutenant Swann rolled her eyes and began unclipping her weapon from her vest.

"Sergeant, when I said, '_We are leaving now,_' I meant _now_. Not in five minutes' time!" Norrington was crisp, brusque, his upper-class British accents becoming more pronounced in anger, even after a year in Atlantis.

Sergeant Jack Sparrow regarded his team leader with the expression that John referred to as an enlisted thinking 'stupid officer'.

Elizabeth could almost see the thought running through the quirky Sergeant's head. And if she could, then Norrington almost certainly could.

Maybe putting the two of them on the same team hadn't been quite as brilliant an idea as John had initially figured. "_Norrington needs to learn to relax. Sparrow needs to learn to obey orders. They'll meet somewhere in the middle._"

If they didn't kill each other first.

Sparrow, as an enlisted officer, should have backed off. Being Jack Sparrow, of course, he didn't. "And Major, when _I_ said, '_There's something you should probably see_,' I _really_ meant that there's something you should probably see." The whiskey-rough voice leaned gently on the emphasis, like a drunken man holding up a palm tree. "Not, '_Oh, look at the time, if we don't get home, we'll miss 'Days of our Lives_.'"

The Major went red. "Sparrow, might I remind you--"

"That I'm walking the limits of your patience. I know." Sparrow held up his hands as though pushing back the weight of Norrington's patience. Elizabeth didn't know where he'd gotten the fingerless gloves - they weren't standard issue to Atlantis personnel - but it was just another of Sparrow's odd personal quirks. "I'm very well aware of that, commander. You keep reminding me of it often enough."

"That would be because you can't seem to remember it!" Norrington's voice rose as Elizabeth reached them.

She glanced swiftly around the quartet, taking in expressions and stances. Neither Lieutenant Swann nor Dr. Turner were showing any kind of partisanship. "Is there a problem here, Major?"

Norrington's lips thinned into a straight line. "No problem, Dr. Weir." His eyes held the Sergeant's. "Just a few technical details that we need to work out between us."

Judging by the Sergeant's shrug, Elizabeth suspected there was more at play here than 'a few technical details'. Still, a glance at Lieutenant Swann showed the young woman calm and composed in the face of her team-mates' conflicts.

"Lieutenant? Do you agree with the Major?"

The Lieutenant looked from commanding officer to team-mate, then across at Dr. Turner. "I do, ma'am." Her voice was soft and clear, although Elizabeth had heard it turn sharp with exasperation - usually at Sergeant Sparrow.

"Dr. Turner?"

The young man glanced from Lieutenant to Sparrow to Norrington. "What Miss - Lieutenant Swann says, Dr. Weir."

She looked them over, holding their gazes - even Sergeant Sparrow's. He gave her a wide-eyed look of innocence that she'd seen on John's face far too often, before it relaxed into a broad - and slightly overdone - smile. "And if my team's happy, I'm happy." A moment later, he amended, "Of course, it's really Major Norrington's team. Not mine. But you knew that already."

There was a pause as his team-mates regarded him with varying expressions.

Elizabeth was familiar with those expressions too. They were most usually found on the faces of anyone working with Rodney: bemusement, disbelief, amusement, tolerance, exasperation, affection...

"Was there anything urgent to report on Kallesis?" She turned the conversation to the planet the Major's team had visited.

"Nothing, ma'am. The situation regarding the Wraith cullings is more or less the same, and they're coping quite admirably. I don't foresee any need for our intervention."

"Quite so, quite so," Sparrow murmured. He shut up when Norrington shot him a glare.

"Their technology isn't very far advanced," Dr. Turner added. "But there are signs of ruins further inland. Major Norrington wouldn't allow us to explore them during this trip."

"We're not going back, Mister Turner," Norrington said with exasperation. "There's no military need."

"Well, perhaps not military," replied Dr. Turner. "However, since we didn't look, we don't know if there's anything of significance in those ruins. For all we know, there might be a spare ZPM there!"

Lieutenant Swann regarded the doctor with some surprise, "Wouldn't your scans have picked that up, Will?"

"Dr. McKay's scans didn't pick up the ZPM on Mahlos," said Dr. Turner, looking earnestly at the Lieutenant before he turned to Elizabeth. "Dr. Weir, I believe this is something worth looking at - and Dr. McKay would agree with me."

"And we all know that Dr. McKay's agreement is very important," Sparrow murmured.

This time it was Elizabeth delivering the look. Not quite a glare but a warning. Sparrow smiled at her and she bit back a sigh. "Go through your post-gate check up," she told them. "Debriefing at..." She checked her watch. "Three o'clock."

"Fifteen hundred hours," Norrington confirmed. "Yes, ma'am."

He didn't salute before walking off, but Sparrow did. At full attention. Stomping his boots on the floor as though he'd just been called up before a superior officer. It was both humour and mockery at its very best.

Dr. Turner regarded Sparrow with an expression of wry disbelief, shook his head, and followed the stiff-backed Major in the direction of the locker rooms. Lieutenant Swann rolled her eyes and trailed behind them.

And Jack Sparrow gave Elizabeth a look of wholly spurious innocence, murmured something half-beneath his breath, and sauntered off after the rest of his team.

Elizabeth didn't bother hiding her smile as she turned to climb the stairs back up to her office.

_Welcome to the Caribbean, love._

- **fin** -

**NOTES**: I know something is lost in not having Jack as 'Captain Jack Sparrow' - however, I simply couldn't envisage him as officer material in the standard military. Enlisted, now, I could see him being really good at whatever he did do, and being allowed a little bit of leeway in his quirks in exchange for his brilliance: rather like Rodney, heh. And it was easier to write this way: Norrington wouldn't accept Jack as his commander, so I had to switch them around.

Characterisation issues are wholly my perceptions and feedback would be loved.


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